The person you know that is going through the worst of times.
I know right now you’re going through a really rough time. It’s just piles of shit upon piles of shit and something’s got to give, right?
Your Wolf walked away without a backward glance six months ago, after coming back into your life after 20+ years of radio silence. He left you to deal with the crazy, possessive bitches he surrounds himself with, which was incredibly chickenshit of him. I know how hard getting over him has been for you. Because he understands who you are. He brings out things in you that you didn’t realize were even there. So when he yanked the rug out from under you by walking away without a backward glance? Yeah, I’d have trouble dealing with that too.
Then your Cowboy walks back into your life, after disappearing for months, and proceeds to shake it up like a snow globe. He doesn’t give a damn about the Wolf. He refuses to be concerned or intimidated. He also brings out something in you, but after your previous experience with the Wolf, it scares you to death. I don’t know much about your Cowboy, but he seems like a pretty good guy – even if he does cluelessly stick his foot in his mouth sometimes. I think his intentions are good, even if you are suspicious of them. Give him a chance. Don’t automatically lump him in with all the other guys who have shit on you in the past.
Then your young friend M was killed just last month. The guilt is tearing you up because before he left to go over to the Sandbox, y’all had a huge fight about … something. I don’t know the details, but I know you were pissed off at him about it. (Enough to throw things at his head!) But none of that matters now. It’s irrelevant. You had spoken to him since then, you had told him he was important to you, you told him you cared. It just sucks that a 25 year old kid lost his life in a war we’re never going to win. Because the enemy? They’re like cockroaches. They scuttle off and hide when we shine the light their way. But as soon as the light moves on, they come crawling back out. You’ve been asking yourself why him. Why did it have to be him? I have to believe that there’s some reason why the angels called him home, even if none of us understands what that reason is.
I know his death hurts. I know how much pain you’re in. But you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Live your life and honor his memory with your accomplishments. He believed in you. Don’t quit on him just because he’s not walking this earth anymore.
You’re worrying me because you haven’t been taking care of yourself. You’re not getting much sleep. You’ve admitted that you haven’t been taking your meds. How are you ever going to get your diabetes under control if you don’t take your medication? You mentioned once that you have an uncle with raging uncontrolled diabetes because he refuses to take care of himself. And I see you going down that same path because you don’t eat right or remember to take your medicine.
I want you to know that even though you don’t think you’re important, there are people who worry about you, who care about you. Who want you to be around 20 years from now. Start taking better care of yourself because I want to be able to enjoy the blessing of your friendship for years to come.
I love you. Don’t give up on yourself.