It’s been one month.

One month since my big beautiful boy passed away.  I’m finally getting to the point where I don’t automatically look for him when I come home from running errands.  I’m finally getting to the point where I don’t expect him to come get me up in the mornings to so he can go outside.

And yet, yesterday I noticed a stray tuft of his fur that had drifted out of where it had been hiding only to end up in the middle of the hallway floor and I can’t bring myself to pick it up.

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One of the last pictures I took of Chaos. (image by me)

The fact that he’s gone hits me at odd moments.  The first couple of weeks after he died, I would swear I heard him walking through the house late at night.  But since I picked up his urn from the vet’s office, I haven’t heard him any more.

Today I ordered a necklace from The Vintage Pearl to remember him by.  It will have his name on it and I know I will think of him whenever I wear it.

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(image by The Vintage Pearl)

I hope that someday, I can think of him with a smile instead of sadness.  Chaos was a once in a lifetime kind of dog and I don’t think there will ever be another like him, at least for me.

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One thought on “It’s been one month.

  1. Chaos was a beautiful boy! You are right…there will never be another like him, but one day the sadness you feel will fade and the fun and adventure you had together will bring a smile to your face when you think of him.

    I say leave the hair for now…I would probably do the same thing. I know how hard it is to lose a canine buddy and I, too, would have a very hard time letting that last little piece of him go. When I was ready, I would probably take the little tuft and place it outside in his favorite spot and let the wind decide where it blew.

    I have kept all the name tags I ever had for my dogs. Right now, the new foster pup is actually wearing Charley’s old collar with my first dog Roxie’s name tag on it. Until he gets his own tag, I feel like her old one is a talisman of a sort for him. Grimm wore it, too, before he had his own tag. I know this is my own foolishness, but it allows me to keep her, somehow, in their lives even though they never met her. I guess this is my long winded way of saying I think the necklace with his name on it is an awesome idea and will allow you to feel close to him even when he is not there.

    Hang in there. It gets better. Grieve for your friend, but rejoice in the fact that you got to have him in your life and that he was yours.

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