#6, 30 Letter Challenge

A stranger.

You chickenshit bastard.  Yeah, you.  You’re a real dick.  You’re also a coward.  That stunt you pulled yesterday because you got your underwear in a knot?  You picked the one thing that matters the most to her, the one thing that keeps her sane, and you shit all over it out of spite.

If you’re not going to be fully in her life, then leave her the fuck alone so she can move on.  That means no checking on her.  No cruising her blog or her Facebook or anything else of the sort.  Stop breaking into her accounts and leaving your footprints all over the place.  No more hitting the board so she can see the “tracks” and know it’s you checking up on her.  She deserves to be able to live her life without you looming all over everything she does.  Especially since you can’t be bothered to get in touch with her directly and actually talk to her.

So she started dating again.  What do you care?  It’s none of your damn business.  You’re married to someone else, with a crazy bitch girlfriend on the side, so leave her alone.  What bugged you the most?  The yipping coyotes?  Or the one like you?  Fuck you, it’s none of your damn business to begin with.

You better hope we never cross paths.  Because so help me, I will light you on fire.

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#25, 30 Letter Challenge

The person you know that is going through the worst of times.

I know right now you’re going through a really rough time.  It’s just piles of shit upon piles of shit and something’s got to give, right?

Your Wolf walked away without a backward glance six months ago, after coming back into your life after 20+ years of radio silence.  He left you to deal with the crazy, possessive bitches he surrounds himself with, which was incredibly chickenshit of him.  I know how hard getting over him has been for you.  Because he understands who you are.  He brings out things in you that you didn’t realize were even there.  So when he yanked the rug out from under you by walking away without a backward glance?  Yeah, I’d have trouble dealing with that too.

Then your Cowboy walks back into your life, after disappearing for months, and proceeds to shake it up like a snow globe.  He doesn’t give a damn about the Wolf.  He refuses to be concerned or intimidated.  He also brings out something in you, but after your previous experience with the Wolf, it scares you to death.  I don’t know much about your Cowboy, but he seems like a pretty good guy – even if he does cluelessly stick his foot in his mouth sometimes.  I think his intentions are good, even if you are suspicious of them.  Give him a chance.  Don’t automatically lump him in with all the other guys who have shit on you in the past.

Then your young friend M was killed just last month.  The guilt is tearing you up because before he left to go over to the Sandbox, y’all had a huge fight about … something.  I don’t know the details, but I know you were pissed off at him about it.  (Enough to throw things at his head!)  But none of that matters now.  It’s irrelevant. You had spoken to him since then, you had told him he was important to you, you told him you cared.  It just sucks that a 25 year old kid lost his life in a war we’re never going to win.  Because the enemy?  They’re like cockroaches.  They scuttle off and hide when we shine the light their way.  But as soon as the light moves on, they come crawling back out.  You’ve been asking yourself why him.  Why did it have to be him?  I have to believe that there’s some reason why the angels called him home, even if none of us understands what that reason is.

I know his death hurts.  I know how much pain you’re in.  But you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Live your life and honor his memory with your accomplishments.  He believed in you.  Don’t quit on him just because he’s not walking this earth anymore.

You’re worrying me because you haven’t been taking care of yourself.  You’re not getting much sleep.  You’ve admitted that you haven’t been taking your meds.  How are you ever going to get your diabetes under control if you don’t take your medication?  You mentioned once that you have an uncle with raging uncontrolled diabetes because he refuses to take care of himself.  And I see you going down that same path because you don’t eat right or remember to take your medicine.

I want you to know that even though you don’t think you’re important, there are people who worry about you, who care about you.  Who want you to be around 20 years from now.  Start taking better care of yourself because I want to be able to enjoy the blessing of your friendship for years to come.

I love you.  Don’t give up on yourself.

#4, 30 Letter Challenge

Your sibling (or closest relative)

I’ve always wanted to say this to you, because I think it’s high time you grew up and put your big boy pants on.

Sometimes, I don’t know what to make of you.  How can two people, born to the same parents, be so different?

You quit  jobs when the going gets a little tough, or you’re having a problem with someone you work with.  Me?  I suck it up and deal with my issues.  You’re irresponsible.  I’ve always had to be the responsible one.  You act more like a teenager than a 34 year old guy should.  We’re only three and a half years apart in age, and it feels more like ten to me.

You act so incredibly childish when someone asks you to do something for them, just because it’s going to impose on you just the teeniest, tiniest bit.  I was the one who was calling our mother when she was in the hospital to have the surgery to repair her heart valve and listening to her cry over the phone because she was scared.  Where the fuck were you?  Staying up until midnight, then sleeping half the day?  You couldn’t be bothered to go to the hospital to check on her.  I swear to God, I felt like strangling you for that.  Sometimes, I still do.

I resent like hell the fact that you have done fuck all with your life.  It pisses me off to no end that you seem to expect everyone else to do things for you when you won’t even make an effort to do them yourself.

I think you’re a spoiled brat.  I think you’re oblivious to how much of an asshole you are sometimes.  Believe me, there are times when I’d love to slap you senseless just on general principle.

I think it’s past time that you grew the hell up.

#17, 30 letter challenge

Someone from your childhood.

This letter is to the girl I was best friends with as a kid.  We were so close back then, so much alike.

It’s weird, how two people can be such close friends for years, and in the length of a summer break, can lose touch with one another entirely.

And yet, that’s what happened with you and me.  We became friends in first grade.  Do you remember how I had missed school because I was sick, and I tried to ask you about the assignments I’d missed and ended up getting in trouble instead?  Crazy as it sounds, that was the beginning of our friendship.

After that, we were inseparable.  At lunch, at recess, we were always together.  I even came out to watch you barrel race a few times at the rodeo on Friday and Saturday night.  For a horse crazy girl like me, to meet you, who actually had three horses at home, was like a dream come true.

We were best friends until fourth grade ended.  You were going to a public school in the fall, and I was staying at the small private school where we met.  I’m sure we visited a few times that summer, but by the time school started, we had lost touch.

After that, I started to change.  I joined the fifth grade girls’ basketball team and the fifth grade girls’ softball team.  I had to put myself out there, because for a shy girl like me, it was hard to make friends.  And since you were gone, I’d lost my best friend.  I did eventually make new friends, but I never was as comfortable with them as I was with you.

My mom used to run into your mom occasionally and she’d always relay news about you to me.  You got married not long after high school, and a few years later, you had kids.  I wonder sometimes how your life is, if there’s anything you wish you could do differently.  But I’ll never know, because I haven’t seen you since we were kids.  Mom hasn’t mentioned running into you or your mom in ages either.

I hope wherever you are, that you’re happy and that life is treating you well.

I miss you.